Dad's Week Off

I have been officially de-throned.

In the span of one short week, my husband has managed to achieve Rock Star status in the eyes of our children. While he's been home on vacation this week and the rest of us Dynamites had work and school, do you think he sat down for a minute and put his feet up? Or got lost on a golf course for hours? Or slept in? Stayed out late?

No. My husband used his vacation for one purpose and one purpose only: to show me up.

On Monday the aroma of chocolate chip pancakes roused my children from slumber. They got out of their beds without being harangued by their mother, dressed themselves without being harangued by their mother, brushed their teeth without being harangued by their mother, and walked like zombies toward the kitchen whereupon they were greeted with warm hugs from their father and a steaming plate of syrupy, chocolatey goodness - a far cry from the eat-whatever-you-can-scrounge-and-hurry-up advice their mother usually dishes out in frantic screams from another part of the house.

Dad packed their snacks and water bottles, checked their homework, and then leisurely walked them to school. At school day's end, he greeted them at the bus stop with a smile and played outside with them for several hours - badminton, kickball, bikes, scooters - before retreating into the house to make dinner and fold the last of the five loads of laundry he did that day. By the time Mom rolled in the door, the kids - both showered and wearing pajamas - were quietly doing their homework as Dad washed the dinner dishes.

On Tuesday, Earth Day, Dad walked the kids to school after another calm and organized display of parenting skill and finesse. With the grace and aplomb of Mikhail Baryshnikov, he seemingly pirouetted through the motions of rousing and feeding the children, packing backpacks, and checking homework. After singlehandedly stopping global climate change, discovering a plentiful renewable energy source, and ridding the world of plastic, Dad greeted the kids at the bus stop, spent another fun-filled afternoon doing kid-centric activities, cooked dinner, and then waited patiently for Mom to arrive home. After a family dinner, Dad guided the kids through homework and showers and reading and bedtime while Mom wrote a blog and sipped Cabernet.

On Wednesday, when Mom tried to gently rouse the children before school, she was met with harrumphs, snarls, and impatient requests for Dad. "Where's Dad? Dad always wakes us up." Always???

When Mom made an appearance in the kitchen at breakfast time and asked, "Would you like cereal? A bagel? Eggs?" her children quietly mumbled, "Dad usually has breakfast made for us already."

In addition to delighting the children once again in every way, Dad also found the time to end world hunger and restore peace in the Middle East.

On Thursday, the kids crowned Dad Best Dad Ever in the History of Dads, but not before Dad cured the sick, sheltered the homeless, and fixed the economy.

On Friday, world leaders - including the Pope - gathered in Geneva Switzerland and officially declared Dad Divine Lord of Fatherhood, to be addressed from this point forward as His Most Awesome Highness.

It's a real shame that His Most Awesome Highness has to go back to work next week. Yep. A real shame.

Cross-posted on New England Mamas.