Friday, March 27, 2009

I Killed the Sea Monkeys, But at Least My Hair is Straight

Getting a moisturizing, straightening keratin treatment for my hair doesn't take away the fact that born-again child evangelists are after my son.

But it helps.

Straight, silky-smooth hair also helps numb the sting you feel once you realize that you've killed off your children's sea monkeys.

I totally should have let the sea monkeys go to "activity night" at a "church" instead of my highly impressionable eight-year old son. What was I thinking? That "activity night" would involve a little pizza and a couple games of basketball? That my son would run around and play with other boys his age for a couple hours? That the experience, offered by a seemingly stand-up place in a nice town, would be completely innocuous?

Yes. [Note to readers: some humans have sea monkey-sized brains.]

Alas, there is no such thing as free pizza and a couple games of basketball without a pitcher full of Kool Aid. Or Kook Aid, as the case may be.

And everyone knows that young kids will drink whatever Kool Aid you serve them, whether it's Tooth Fairy Kool Aid, Easter Bunny Kool Aid, or YOU'RE A SINNER Kool Aid. They'll gulp it down and ask for seconds.

Add pizza and games to the mix, and the Kool Aid goes down sickeningly fast.

You know, I used to hide from the Jehovah's Witnesses that came to my front door until one day my daughter asked me, "Mom, why were you hiding from that nice lady?" I didn't have a good answer, so I never hid again. To this day, I happily oblige the Jehovah's Witnesses who stop by to chat. I answer their questions the best I can, take their Watch Tower pamphlets, and wish them a good day.

It was in this spirit that I obliged my son to join his friend at "church."

Who knew? Certainly not me, but at least my hair is straight.



6 comments:

Gruppie Girl said...

Little Guy dumped out our sea monkeys just the other day. It was sad sopping them up with a towel.

meredithjustice said...

A quote from Jules Renard...
I don't know if God exists, but it would be better for His reputation if He didn't.

Now that it's clear where I'm coming from, please don't beat yourself up. It's the open minded, willing to talk & listen, people tolerant, nay seeking out diversity, who find themselves in situations like yours. It's the people with the brains the size of sea horses who don't have to worry about such things because they're too closed down to allow exposure.

Patois said...

I was going to congratulate you on your straight hair, then I read Gruppie Girl's comment. I think I'm going to be sick.

Chicky Chicky Baby said...

It's wrong but the whole time I was reading this I was thinking, "Mmm, brains."

That's really wrong. But I bet your hair looks fabulous.

Jaelithe said...

You're a good mom. You'll get him through it.

The Sea Monkey tragedy, and the brush with weird evangelism.

Avalon said...

Ruth, come and join us as we talk about motherhood. You've been tagged!